This is quite a controversial subject to talk about but I thought I would give it a go anyway. You can see co-sleeping many ways. Experts says it is safer for your newborn/baby to stay in his own cot or moses basket. And I completely agree with that but when you have a baby that you cannot settle no matter what you do, unless he or she comes into your own bed and stops crying immediately, what would you go with? Of course option two. Anything to get a few hours sleep especially in the early days of parenthood it can be hard.
Matthew, who was my first born, was quite an easy baby. When I say easy, I mean he was a good sleeper. Yes, he did cry like any other baby and that’s normal. But his sleep pattern was brilliant. He used to get a bottle every four hours and straight after the bottle he went for a snooze and woke up exactly 4 hours later for his next bottle. Fast forward and he now is four and a half years old and will start school in September. How time is flying. During those years I had to co-sleep many times with him, particularly when he was sick. What could comfort a child more when he/she is sick other than laying beside mummy or daddy and get all the “make it better cuddles” they deserve. But most times he was sleeping in his own bed.
Chloe on the other hand was a bit more difficult to settle when she was a baby. I am 100% that she had either silent reflux or colic, if not even both.I remember the days she was beside me in her moses basket trying to settle herself to sleep with the hospital dodie in her mouth. Sometimes I had no choice but putting her in my bed beside me just to get two hours shut eye. She just wanted to be close to mummy. I don’t blame her, she was very close for 9 months.
Fast forward with Chloe, she will be two years old in three weeks time. She is full on, as she is getting a lot of teeth at the moment which causes her a lot of pain. In the last few weeks she has developed something new though. She goes to bed as normal with one or two cries and her lullaby music and in the middle of the night she wakes up crying, wanting up. Previously you could easily put her down again without any fuss and she would happily fall back asleep.
But now it’s “up, up, up”. So hubby and I did our shares the last few weeks with her. We co-sleep. She is happy in the bed beside us and once she lays on the pillow in our bed, her eyes are closed and she is ready to go sleep. She is still using her own sleeping bag with our blanket tucked underneath her, so it’s super safe. The only thing we do need to do is to put a pillow to the side so that she can’t fall out of the bed.
At the age of four and a half years you would have thought the boy can sleep in his own bed all night now. Nope, not the case, unfortunately. Even he tends to wake up in the middle of the night now and he decides to walk into mummy’s and daddy’s bedroom. You can imagine how crowded it can be in the bed then. Thankfully we have a super king size bed. But even then I have an inch to myself because between the two kids we have to put a pillow because once they sleep, they don’t like being touched. I mean I wouldn’t want to have someone laying on my arm or leg.
About a year ago I received the Gro Clock and I actually have introduced it to Matthew now and explained to him how it works. He did sleep in his bed all night two nights in a row and the odd one before that but last night he left his bed again, despite the sun not being up yet. He does get rewarded and all but it doesn’t seem to be enough.
So for now, yes I do co-sleep with my kids and I don’t see anything wrong with it. For me it just shouldn’t become a habit. I am telling myself that it’s just a phase. Parents who decide to put their kids to sleep in their bed, in my opinion, are completely entitled to do so. Everyone has their own way of parenting. What we do right now, I would call “half co-sleeping”. It isn’t my choice to do but my kids are getting upset at night. Hubby and I both have full-time job to attend early in the morning and with that the kids early creche, we tend to take them into our bed, so we all get a good nights sleep. As long as we have a safe setup to do so, I think it’s okay. They are only little for so long.
Do you co-sleep? What are YOUR thoughts?
Yes, Didn’t with my previous child, did with my first. But this one, I’m a bed-sharer all the way. The only thing I’ll say is that there is a lot of misunderstanding around this. Some of it is cultural (as in we think, in the ‘west’ that we have to put babes in cots and in separate rooms and seem to be obsessed with ‘sleeping through the night’. This is not the norm worldwide. Some of it is terminology. I understand that co-sleep can mean same room, but different bed surface, whilst bed-share is same bed. Most don’t make that distinction. Anyway. I’m all for it, and so, by the way, is the evidence *all other things being equal (no addictions, no drinking etc).
It’s such a shame this has to be a controversial topic, I truly believe if we all spoke honestly about it more people would learn how to do it safely. I’m the same as you, I don’t want to make it a habit as I definitely get better quality sleep when he is in his own cot… but we do it when we need to. He’s currently teething so this week has been one of those times.
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Ah yeah when chloe is a bit older Nd understands she will have to sleep in her own bed like her big brother. X
I’ve never co-slept with my two. Not because I don’t agree with it, just that I didn’t want it to become the norm as I think it’s important that we all sleep in our own beds. I have friends who started it when they were little and are still having to sleep with their kids 5/6 years later and they really regret it so I didn’t want to make a rod for my own back. To be honest, it’d different strokes for different folks and you have to do what works for your family x
I coslept with my second daughter. We did what was best for us all to get some sleep.
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That’s exactly it Lucy. Thanks for your comment. xx
This is such an honest post. I have no problem with co-sleeping. We do it quite often. If it helps the kids sleep and us too then I see no problem. Hugs Lucy xxxx
Aw lovely honest post. We co-slept and we don’t mind the Children coming into our bed if they wake up in the middle of the night. I think you just have to what you think is best as a parent xx
I’ve never co-slept but that’s not because I don’t necessarily agree with it, more because my two always settled very easily.
I don’t understand why this is such a controversial subject but mothers are often criticised for their decisions whatever side of the fence they sit on – ultimately, we all know what’s best for our families and if that’s co-sleeping then great, if it’s not then that’s still great.
You sound like you’re doing totally the right thing for your family x x
We certainly co-slept in the early days. I breasted both of mine and it was just easier to be laying down to feed them in the night. I’m not against it as they get older, but mine have been (luckily) really good sleepers, so they’ve always been in their own room after they’re one x
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Thanks for taking the time to comment Nell. x
Ah the expert opinion changes periodically. My HV recommended it for one of my LOs last time and the time before was all about placing them in their own cots. Not to sound all hippie about it but I do think a mother knows what’s best for her child. And all children are different.
ps: super cute snapshot of the two of you sleeping!